Easing Back into the School Year: From School, Back to Home

Transitioning into new rhythms, such as the school year, can feel a little tricky or unsettling. It’s not uncommon for our children to demonstrate their unease by acting out in different ways, depending upon their age and temperament. With the extra patience and attention they need on top of trying to establish new routines or schedules, we may begin to feel harried and stressed.

For a bit of relief, let’s take some direction from this quote by Kim John Payne:

“Relationships are often built in the intervals, the spaces between activities, when nothing much is going on.”

He may be referring to relationships between people, but this can also apply in a threefold manner- to time, space, and connection (to people).  When we consider it this way, we build up and protect the intervals as we make the transition into a new phase of the year. We lean into them to:

• Experience a healthy relationship with time: We all need time to experience self-continuity, and children especially need more time as their self-awareness is only emerging. Pacing transitions like balanced and relaxed breathing allows us all to fully digest, reflect, and redirect.

• Develop a more conscious relationship with our space: Order provides clarity of thought, and clarity of thought acts as a stabilizing force for our own feelings and actions, as well as a protective sheath for children. Is our space ordered and organized in a way that supports clarity in our thoughts? That allows both our activity and rest to happen smoothly?

• Connect, and discover each other again, and again, and again. It is the quality of our moments that has the greatest impact, rather than the quantity of them. In the intervals without agenda, we can connect, observe, enjoy each other’s presence and see what happens. How might we surprise ourselves and each other?

Taking full opportunity to connect and make our relationships the heart of our day naturally leads us to feeling more fulfilled and at peace even during transitions. When we lean into the intervals to breathe and connect, we can see clearly what is needed to navigate the uncomfortable or the new with less stress, more confidence and more smiles.

Pick Up Time: In the Moment of Transition

Sometimes the hardest part of the transition or interval from care program or school to home is the immediate hand-off. Children are very ready to be back in a parent’s care, and often don’t have patience for anything but full attention from them. However, the reality is that often parents wish to take a moment to chat with other parents, and to check in with care providers or vice versa.  The few minutes spent in this exchange can end up being spent trying to soothe, distract or even placate children while trying to get a word in between adults and no one having a quality exchange. 

Here are some tips on how to manage these moments as a parent, or to offer parents if you are the care giver:

• With all children, first greet your child with full, undivided and warm attention. Give a hug and take a moment to observe them; how are they presenting? If they seem ready for a meltdown save the chat for another time and make your way to the car.

• Older children might want to say something about their day, younger and older children may also need time to digest their day before they are ready for conversation about it. Since children live through doing, create a little ritual as part of your pick up to say, “Here I am ready to see and be with you.”  We have a verse below that could work for you!

• After a warm check in, explain to your child (3 yrs and up) that you are going to have a quick talk and give them options for what they can do in the meantime: hold your hand, eat a mousie snack at the ground beside you, have a few minutes to play with a peer nearby.

• Keep the check in brief. If there is anything lengthier to chat about, schedule a time to do that later.

• If your child interrupts with a whine or pulling at you, pause to address your child instead of talking over them. Model how you want them to speak to you and give them a chance to try again. If it’s something that can wait, remind them of the plan or offer them a hand or hold them while they wait and, again, keep it brief with their care provider.

• If you have an older child (5 yrs and up) that has developed the habit above, a few minutes can be spent in the morning reminding them that you will take some time at pick up to talk to their teacher and what that will look like.

When it comes to socializing with other parents:

• Try arriving for pick up a little early to catch up before the children are dismissed.

• Or if it works for the children, perhaps develop a once-weekly rhythm of meeting at a nearby park for a short while, have a snack with some attention on the children, and then chat while they play.

• Arrange with another parent to help keep an eye on your child while you take time to speak with their care provider, as mentioned above.

As a care provider, I have found it helpful to have a back up method for communicating necessary messages, in case time to chat at dismissal doesn’t work. For these moments, I have sewn little felt pockets to attach to the children’s back packs. It’s small enough not to get in the way, it holds a note just the right size for short messages or reminders, and that message doesn’t risk getting swallowed by other items inside the backpack. Plus, it’s nice to have something handwritten rather than a phone text for a variety of reasons.

If the transition doesn’t go well, that’s okay. Reflect and consider what you might change. Maybe it’s nothing; maybe it’s just getting into new rhythms and giving your child the chance to develop a little more patience. The transition will certainly not go the same everyday, as their needs and yours will shift slightly. Overall, the consistency of how to approach the time is what counts. Having a plan so that you can be present and calm, make that check in when it’s best for everyone, and set a positive tone for the rest of your day together.

Attention and Intention in the Transition Back Home

Whether you work in a school or center, welcome your own children home from school, or care for children in your own home, the transition from “work” into home life is one of the most crucial points of the day. How we handle this transition sets the tone for the rest of the afternoon or evening, so giving it some special attention and intention is well worth it.

Using the threefold relationship of Time, Space & Connection as a framework, we can examine where and how we are, or can be, directing our energy into nurturing rather than rushing towards the next task. We’d like to offer some guiding questions for each relationship to help you craft this crucial after school/work transition.

• Time: How much literal time is our rhythm or schedule allowing for this transition? How much does each of us actually seem to need to make the transition healthily and be ready for the remainder of our day?  What is the quality of this time- do I feel relaxed enough to be as present and slow-paced as my child needs me to be? If there is not enough time now, what can shift or what help can I seek to allow for the necessary amount of time we need?

• Space: What is the anchor to this transition? It doesn’t need to be at home, necessarily. Can I stop at a park on the way home from school to enjoy a snack with my children, or a moment of peace alone? If  already at home, do I need to change my space to make the transition healthier? Can I step outdoors for a while, or can I engage in some kind of activity, such as sweeping, that transforms the energy and cues my body that the work day is over? Is our anchoring space prepared with all we will need at the ready?

• Connection: How am I connecting back with myself in this transition so that I am ready for my family’s needs? What kind of connection does my child need right now? Young children aren’t typically naturally inclined to talk about their day even as much as we might want to hear about it. Am I giving them the opportunity to digest their day in a way that is appropriate for their age? Can we connect over a snack and a short game? Do they need a snuggle and rest instead?

When we invest a little intensive focus on establishing these transitions at the start of school, we create a strong foundation for the remainder of the year. As the year picks up, hobbies and social events, festivals and holiday gatherings begin to fill out our afternoons or evenings and weekends. Life becomes abundant, and we all need moments of rest and respite. Outside of larger, specific times for rest, even these transitions- done consistently with care and intention- can feel like coming back to center, to home.