Easing Back into the School Year: Welcoming Children to Your Program

I have had three separate conversations with care providers recently, asking how I welcome new children or needing support with little ones who aren’t transitioning smoothly. So with the start of a new school year soon, I thought it could be helpful to share what I shared with them. I decided to write these upcoming messages in connection to the messages I wrote at the start of last school year about the transition from school to home. Now compiled in a blog article, thoughts about that transition were anchored by a quote from Kim John Payne: 

“Relationships are often built in the intervals, the spaces between activities, when nothing much is going on.”

His quote inspired me to look at this “interval” in a threefold manner: our relationships to time, space, and connection (to people).  As stated in that article (link to article), 

When we consider it this way, we build up and protect the intervals as we make the transition into a new phase of the year. We lean into them to:

• Experience a healthy relationship with time: We all need time to experience self-continuity, and children especially need more time as their self-awareness is only emerging. Pacing transitions like balanced and relaxed breathing allows us all to fully digest, reflect, and redirect.

• Develop a more conscious relationship with our space: Order provides clarity of thought, and clarity of thought acts as a stabilizing force for our own feelings and actions, as well as a protective sheath for children. Is our space ordered and organized in a way that supports clarity in our thoughts? That allows both our activity and rest to happen smoothly?

• Connect, and discover each other again, and again, and again. It is the quality of our moments that has the greatest impact, rather than the quantity of them. In the intervals without agenda, we can connect, observe, enjoy each other’s presence and see what happens. How might we surprise ourselves and each other?

At the start of a new school year, with at least a few new children, our experience with time is especially important. For the first couple of weeks (sometimes more), we have a “bare bones rhythm”. This means that I don’t introduce crafts yet, and I only tell oral stories, usually at meal time. I also wait to introduce any formal circle time, though I do have a handful of touch games or a circle game ready for when we need it.

In a simplified rhythm we nourish these three relationships - to time, space and people- and focus on building a foundation essential for our many transitions to eventually run smoothly and joyfully. In this extra spacious rhythm: 

• The children can easily learn the sequence of events during transitions, like coming to school)

• They become familiar with our environment. Recognizing the order and consistency there helps them to feel secure. 

• We have more time to establish a bond with each other, as Kim John Payne was pointing out happens when “nothing much is going on.” 

• We have more time to work out any struggles, or be more present for children who are having a hard time with their new experience because we aren’t concerned about “making it to craft time”.

As caregivers, this also gives us time to more deeply observe and get to know these new children. If we begin with space for that, we are off to a good start. We are inviting the spiritual world into our relationship with the children when we seek to see their truest selves; and if struggles arise, we have someone else there to offer drops of inspiration for knowing just what to do. 

Preparing for the first transition of the day -- welcoming the children to school -- I keep in mind the threefold relationship contained within the intervals of the day. With a simplified rhythm, I wait to engage in any significant domestic tasks or preparations for a craft activity so that first thing in the morning, I am available with a stronger presence to the children and parents as they arrive. I may engage in small domestic tasks, but largely I am helping all of them become familiar with where their things belong (relationship to our space), taking time to warmly connect, and ushering them into play. 

I have carefully planned how to get our morning snack prepared during this time. If I have an assistant or co-teacher, they may be dedicated to this task with the children who are already familiar with us. If I am alone, I have simplified things so that snack is already in the crockpot, or very nearly prepared. I have an idea of which children will settle easily and may be able to be called upon to invite a new friend to play. I have clearly communicated to parents what “drop off” will look like and given some encouraging tips, and arranged a casual visit in our space if that’s possible prior to the start of school. 

Here is what I suggest one can do as a parent to set a tone of trust in your child’s ability to make the transition to school confidently: 

• Think of this transition (or any) as a bridge. A bridge needs to have solid footing, which we create at home with a consistent and orderly rhythm to our mornings and order to how we make the transition.

• There are often signs, be it a change in landscape or an actual signpost, that indicate there is a bridge up ahead. This rhythm also quietly continues to cue your child into the “bridge” up ahead to school. 

• Include a moment when you “land” together to connect, filling your child’s cup with some quality presence. 

• Starting at the car, walk side by side with your child, rather than carry them in. Make sure they have a bag that’s easy for them to carry so they can easily be responsible for their own belongings.  This gesture alone communicates the trust you hold that they are already rising to the occasion. 

• Make your good-bye “short and sweet,”  Some parents develop a little “ritual” like a kiss on the palm of their child’s hand, so they can close it up and tuck it in their pocket to save it, and vice versa.

• Save conversations about hard mornings for time away from your child, instead stealing a couple of moments in the car to send a text, or writing a note. This way the tone of  the transition can remain as positive as possible. 

Along with this communication, I try to take the chance to check in with new parents before the start of the year, asking how they feel about drop off. If they are holding any anxieties, I ask what I can do to ease their concerns. If they are feeling truly anxious, I might suggest that another parent or family member handle drop off for the first week or two to begin by setting a positive pattern of experience for their child. 

In addition to my other plans, I have also had a system for easily exchanging notes for drop off (and pick up) times. For a few years, I sewed little felt pockets to attach to the children’s back packs. They were small enough not to get in the way, and ensured that our messages didn't get lost in a jumble of clothing within their bag. 

With these plans in place, most often my school years get off to a smooth and joyful start. I hope yours does as well! 

On occasion, every care provider and teacher encounter a moment when a child or two are not transitioning to school effectively. They are not adjusting to school and may be crying for long periods of time, inconsolable. When this happens, I take a quick consideration of how much the pace of activity has picked up in our classroom, and if I started building from our “bare bones rhythm” too quickly. Unless there are several children that are having a challenging time, this is not typically the source. So, I start reflecting on other questions. 

None of these are intended to come first, but rather what seems potentially most apparent arises first. There is usually some indication, and I definitely do not assume that it’s something the family is doing to cause it. It could be me, it could be both of us. It could also be about something the child is carrying with them individually that we are here to witness, to try to understand and to support together. 

What happens before coming to school? 

I want to gain an understanding of what their whole morning looks like- what indicates the bridge is coming and when does that happen?  Are they getting enough sleep? What are their breakfast habits? What is the pace of their morning, and do they have time to connect?

Is there something different we can do during “drop off”? 

Do we try a different location for drop off? Are we- the parent and I- still keeping it “short and sweet”? 

Is the parent having a hard time? Even if they begin feeling sure, after several mornings of crying, anyone can start to waiver inside. Sometimes making an adjustment to who is dropping off makes all the difference.

As these other areas are tended to, what can I do as we start our day?

Have I tried to engage the child in a consistent activity, their own “special” task, first thing in the morning? During a rough patch, I eased one child into the school day by greeting her and immediately walking together down to the backpack hooks to make sure everyone had the right weather apparel for the day. She was four and a half, so it was a “big kid” task to know what we were going to need for the day. Similarly, a fresh three year old was invited to “wash” something each morning when he arrived because he loved playing with water. 

Is there a “lovey” or doll they can bring with them for a short while that we gently tuck away over time? This is something I’ve been uncertain about in the past, but twice I have allowed it now and it has worked effectively. Two years ago a young three year old in my class brought a bear with him to school. During his first days he had Bear with him for the whole day, even pulling an extra chair up to the table at meal times. Gradually, Bear came to sit and observe at that chair for longer periods of time, then observed from the child’s backpack, and then didn’t come at all. It was never disruptive and the children did not mind that he had Bear with him. They seemed to understand his need. 

What emotions am I holding about this transition? What tone am I communicating- compassion and confidence? Overly sympathetic to their feelings? Not warm enough and expecting premature independence? I often let the children lead, determining when they are comfortable with engaging and how much they are engaging in the activities of our program. The younger they are, the longer period of time it may take sitting in my lap and needing more direct nurturing. 

The younger or more sensitive they are the more important it may be that they bond with a singular caregiver as well. Studies on common factors observed in resilient adults indicate that it is critical for the very young to develop a close bond “with at least one competent, emotionally stable person who is sensitive to their needs”. Sometimes this is more strongly conveyed when a child is allowed to seek comfort in a singular adult even at their care program or school. 

“Leaning into the intervals” at the start of the school year creates a strong foundation for the whole day and the year to run more smoothly. It helps me to ensure each child successfully adjusts to being in my care, allowing me to focus carefully on why some children’s experiences are more difficult and offer the support they need to feel secure and loved. In just a short time, we are all transitioning effectively and engaging in more creative and enriching activities together.